The awful, awful consequences of breaking a diet

As I said last week, I finished my diet on Friday, and yesterday I was to indulge in as many sinful meals as I could. As it turns out, I wasn't that hungry to begin with.
I had a meager lunch: a small bowl of fruits, a bit of chili soup, and some roast beef. Later yesterday, I had peanut butter with crackers, since my last gastronomical adventure has made all complex carbs disappear from my pantry; hence, no bread is to be found in the vicinity.
I went to bed, and was awoken an hour and a half later by what can only be described as pangs from hell. I had cramps that confirmed my decision on not ever getting pregnant. Seriously, if labor is anything or worse than what I felt last night, how can women do that to themselves? We really don't need to reproduce, and I'm sure Earth would be grateful to see humankind disappear.
By experiences too graphic to describe, I vomited every little thing I ate yesterday, and the day before. Was this my body complaining about the sudden change, and if so, when will I be able to eat like a human again? I'm eating cereal with skimmed milk as I write. What evil am I paying for?
The silver lining: I lost a pound and a half in my ordeal last night.

Food daydreaming

My self-imposed torture, aka diet, will happily end this Friday. In the meantime, I feel like I'm going to pass out any second. To further punish myself, I have created a list of all the things I'm going to indulge with come Satuday morning. These are my daydream meals lately:
1. A baleada
2. A buffet lunch, Vegas style
3. A falafel
4. Bags and bags of chocolate
5. The largest hamburger they have at Carl's Jr, with extra bacon and cheese
6. A large pizza with extra cheese
7. A Panda Feast
8. A German Chocolate cake all to myself
9. A stack of pancakes, with all sort of toppings to choose from, next to a few scoops of ice cream.
10. To sum it up, I would eat anything that does not contain vegetables.

And...to heck with calories!

On weird behavior at church

As a note on last week's post, I want to let the world know I broke my diet on Friday night. Oh, yes, I had half a huge bucket of popcorn, and a whole box of Twilight Valentine candies, which said something like "Bite Me" and things of the sort. Eating a piece of Edward like that alone, was very well worth it. Yesterday I repented and got back on track, although I have now vowed to cut my misery short by two and a half weeks. No way I'd keep torturing myself like this, and my blood needs chocolate.

So, today, a quick tour through not very saint-like behavior at church I've noticed lately. In order of strangeness:

1. This man, in his early forties maybe, skinny as a stick with hair, was crossing his legs, and not caring that his pants were at knee-length. I guess he didn't mind the rest of the congregation noticing his legs, not that there was much to show.
2. A teenage kid, son of the aforementioned man, who kept reading "The Heir of the Wizard" during all of sacrament meeting. Not once did he lift up his eyes from what I can tell, was a wonderful book. He must have read at least through half of it during that hour and 15 minutes.
3. A few ladies in different meetings, clipping their nails like they have no other care in the world...in the middle of the silence that sacrament sometimes is.
4. And now, for the winner, a girl in her mid-thirties (single, may I add), trimming her eyebrows in Relief Society...with her hand!! I can only imagine how long those things were if she was able to grasp them like that.
5. There was also this super cute girl who was visiting another ward, and kept looking around for weird behavior at church, instead of being reverent and learning at Church. Uhhh...

On dieting

I have never had enough willpower to do a diet. So, today, on the verge of a fifth day of dieting, all I can say is: How can people willingly do this to themselves? Exercise is definitely the best way to go.

However, in spite of my previous rationale, I have decided to go on with this insane program. I have a wager on how soon I will collapse, either by fainting or by succumbing to the tempting embrace of chocolate.

I'm starting to see flying hamburgers around my head. Maybe I'd better go now.