Dec 4, 2009

15 reasons why you should date me

15. I will watch any kind of sports with you… if you don’t mind me surfing the web while we do so.
14. I have the most updated Facebook profile you will ever see.
13. If you like outdoor activities, I will encourage them… if you go with your friends.
12. I won’t ask you to come shopping with me.
11. My microwave food is to die for (literally).
10. Your dad will love me, 100% guaranteed.
9. My hair always looks good, regardless if I brush it or not.
8. I don’t eat much for dinner, so I’m usually a cheap date.
7. I will always let you drive.
6. I will never be fat; I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
5. I’ll never rub it in your face that I’m smarter than you.
4. I’ll sing for you every day. And if you have ever heard me sing, you know what a treat it is.
3. When I take over the world, I will let you rule with me.
2. I can say “you’re so handsome” in 4 languages.
1. If you have gotten this far, I have proven to be very interesting, right?

I can come up with more reasons than these. If you are personally interested, please leave a comment and I will get back to you ;)

Dec 1, 2009

Baywatch

Talking about phobias, I hate water. Don't get me wrong, I will still take showers. It's probably a childhood trauma. Again, let me share a couple of stories.
  1. Swimming was a part of my physical education class in high school. It was during these years that I became the best liar of all times. I came up with every conceivable excuse to skip class. My time of the month became my time of the week, until the instructor noticed; then I had to stage fake colds, cough attacks, flus and migraines.
  2. When I was younger, my family went to the beach. As usual, I didn't go as far as 10 steps into the beach. My eccentricity paid off when my brother had to be carried out of deeper water, his left foot stung by a jellyfish. To this date, I will not go into the beach without wearing shoes. Thanks for the lesson, Carlos.
  3. Once during a Church event for Young Single Adults, we went to a place with a big pool. Trying to deal with my childhood trauma in my own way, I had a few of my friends throw those who refused to follow my orders into the deep end of the pool. As my most resisting enemy faced impending submersion in water, he grabbed both my arms, and jumped into the pool, dragging me along with him. So you'd think after 5 years of swimming classes, I'd know what to do, right? Wrong. I fell like a rock straight to the bottom. But I had trained my disciples well, and at the risk of their own lives, a couple of them dove into the embrace of my soon-to-be watery tomb, and took me out of there. I couldn't even walk or talk straight afterwards.
Nowadays, whenever I have to go into one of those "chlorine graves", I conveniently stay in the kid's section. No shame in being safe.

Nov 29, 2009

Hell's Kitchen

I suffer from kitchenphobia, where I tremble at the thought of knives, fire, boiling water or hot oil spraying my face, and condemning me to a life of blindness. I have some stories that may explain this fear of mine.
When I was a little girl, my mom tried to teach me how to cook, but I ended up cutting my fingers almost every time. My mom said she preferred not to have a crippled daughter, and banned me from the kitchen for the rest of my childhood and teenage years. To avoid my starvation, she taught me some basic recipes just last year, when she realized microwave food and ramen soups had become a part of my daily nutrition. Strangely, there were no mishaps when we baked together, so I can make some killer desserts. My children will be diabetic.
For Mother's Day like 10 years ago, my brother Carlos took over dinner, as he usually does (my brothers were not clumsy in the kitchen at all, so they did learn how to cook). I offered Carlos my limited help. He asked me to take the recently cooked potatoes out of the stove, and drain the water, so we could start peeling them. Physics has never been that easy a subject for me, so I forgot to recall that the potatoes could splash boiling water if I just turned the pot upside down. The following 2 weeks I spent wearing tube shirts, and rubbing aloe all over my upper chest. To my future husband, please don´t worry, as the doctor did a wonderful job, and no scars were left on this essential part of my anatomy.
About 2 and a half months ago, I moved to a new appartment. One morning, I decided to have eggs for breakfast. I had no idea about the scare I was going to get. Whenever I've been around a stove, it has always been an electric device; so, no gas and, particularly, no flame had ever been present. Not the case here. I turned the knob and set it on high, but failed to sense the heat; then I smelled the gas. Fearing an explosion might prematurely end my life, I screamed, turned the knob off, and ran upstairs to my bedroom, where I locked myself up for the next 30 minutes. Again, my lack of knowledge of physics made me forget that air travels around, and moves through hinges in locked doors.
My friend Laura had to cook dinner for a medium-sized group this last Thanksgiving. As usual, I feel uncomfortable when people are working around me, and I'm not. Plus, it seemed like a never-ending task for one person alone, so I took a deep breath, and walked to the kitchen with shaky footsteps. In a trembling voice, I asked: "Do you need any help?", praying with all I got that she would have me rub the floor, do the dishes, or anything else that would keep me away from the stove and all the knives in that dreaded place.
She must have felt my horror, as she sent me away, while saying: "I´m doing ok now, but I´ll let you know if I need your help later". Oh, blessed soul that she is! However, all my fears came back about 15 minutes later when she asked me to make Jell-O, but went away again when I realized all I had to do was to boil water. I later had to prepare stuffing and gravy, all from a box, naturally. All of these chores demanded the boiling of water, so I survived. Merciful Laura, que Dios te lo pague!
I have a million more stories of my ineptitude in the kitchen, but again, I don't want to scare away my future husband. Honey, whoever you are, we'll be okay ;)

Nov 25, 2009

A life of crime

Well, it didn't take me long to be seduced by Sin City. After I returned from a fruitful souvenir shopping trip, I gasped as I realized I had a Las Vegas 2010 calendar in my purse that I hadn't paid for. I had shoplifted!! As any criminal would have done, I justified my doings. Well, I hadn't really meant to, it was not that expensive an item anyway, and I had many things to do, so there was no time to go back to the store and pay for it. Couldn't I just give a 5 dollar bill to a homeless person and call it even? However, I believe in a divine version of karma. Hence, fearing my love life (one of my major concerns in life) might be in jeopardy, I decided to go all the way back to the store, admit my crime and face the consequences. But as I entered the store, I saw a long line of people at the register, and feared for my reputation, so I strolled about the aisles, and then casually headed to the register, where I paid for the darned calendar. It was such an adrenaline rush.
Hopefully, my love life is safe now.

Nov 23, 2009

Intro

I have always thought of myself as a lame writer. Being a book worm, though, I kind of envied the natural talent some people have of putting their thoughts unto paper. However, a very good friend of mine and her blog have inspired me to reach higher. Bear with me, since I'm an amateur still. You should also know English is my second language, but that won't stop me in my path to world domination, where Spanglish will be the ruling language.
As my abilities are still being developed, I should stop now, and not kill the moment. Enjoy!