I would date you, except for the fact that:

1. You declare your love through Facebook chat. Or send me a text message.

2. You call me and scream "I LOVE YOU!" in my ear, and immediately hang up.

3. You have kids. Worse, when they check their age box, it is scaringly close to mine.

4. Your idea of Church activity is showing up for activities where there is free food.

5. Grammar mistakes exist in your writing in such an amount that I lose count after the first couple of lines. For all that's holy, read a little! 

6. You bit the back of my neck once while walking behind me.

7. You claim to speak a second language, and then leave me a voicemail that I cannot even remotely understand, because it sounds like 5 different languages at the same time. Along the same lines, you should know that Google Translate is not 100% accurate.

8. You wait until I leave town -or the country- to ask me out. How exactly did you think that was going to work out?

9. You tell me I'm too intimidating for you. Well, that's flattering!

10. You want me to pick you up and drop you off on our first date. You live in the slums.